The Cumberland Post

The Cumberland Post
My Backyard, Six Miles from the Cumberland River

Friday, March 9, 2012

Sludge: Obama Apologizes to Putin

Today the Cumberland Post initiates a brand new service for readers: Sludge garbled news posts. The main stream media outlets are all so good at spinning, twisting, quoting out of context, garbling, and using unvetted and unchecked source material that I know I'll never live up to their high standards. But I can try can't I? 

SLUDGE
We don't rake the muck, we make it!

1. OBAMA APOLOGIZES TO PUTIN. President Obama today apologized to President elect Vladimir Putin for US actions in the Reagan years which led to the eventual dissolution of the Soviet Union. He also said that he supported Putin's decision to detain the female punk rock band, Pussy Riot. "Although they look pretty hot, these types of political women can cause all sorts of problems in governing a nation," said Obama. "My own administration, for example, is working through cable television powerhouse HBO to do a lot more than detain Sarah Palin. This gal's much worse than Putin's girls. With HBO's creative help, we're going to change Palin's game. We might even get that smart Bill Maher to help out since he's really good at using language. We are going to destroy that beyotch. A woman who takes an active conservative political role will not be tolerated in the US."


2. PAT ROBERTSON IS ILLEGAL ALIEN. The Reverend Pat Robertson today asked that all illegal aliens be given amnesty. Simultaneously the well known religious broadcaster announced that he himself is an illegal alien and that he supports legalization of everything, including marijuana. Robertson said that his illegal status has bothered him ever since he entered the country illegally sixty years ago from the state of California, which is not really part of the 48 contiguous United States (unless you use the controversial Obama Heinz 57 Count, in which case California, Puerto Rico, Baja, Vancouver, Saltillo, the Dominican Republic, Aruba, St. Thomas, St. Croix, and St. Louis are all included ). 

3. CHU BUYS ANN ROMNEY'S CADILLAC. Obama Energy Secretary Stephen Chu announced today that he has purchased one of Ann Romney's Cadillacs. Under fire for not even owning a vehicle, Chu made the purchase last night. Chu admitted that he knew nothing about cars and/or the purchasing process but said he felt this would be a win-win situation for both sides. He paid $1.6 million for the used 2009 Cadillac STS sedan. The transaction was handled by Mrs. Romney's husband Mitt, who was reportedly quite pleased with the deal. 

7 comments:

  1. Heh!

    Mitt knows how to strike a deal, for sure...

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  2. Is that SLUDGE (bad) or DRUDGE (good)? With the nation going to Hades in a hand-basket, I don't know if I should cry, throw-up or laugh? Laughing will keep the BP & stress down so keep the PJ "News Breaks" or should I say DJ "News Breaks" coming...it keeps me sane for another day.

    VERY FUNNY!

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    1. Drudge is an objective "good" source for news. Not much spin there at all. The MSM, however, constantly amazes me with their obvious bias which they're blind too and their lack of really looking deep into a story to get all the facts they can. They seem to only want the facts that will support their biased headlines. With Sludge I'll be mocking these bastards.

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  3. Heh. All three sound more than reasonable... to me. Especially the Chu one, mainly coz anyone who advocates five-dollar gas has NO sense of worth about much of anything.

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    1. Yeah, Chu's on the record as saying they really want those gas prices to rise so that Americans will be forced into buying more "efficient" vehicles. I hope the conservatives hammer Obama with this all the way to the voting booth in Nov.

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  4. I got my first electronic cigarette kit at VaporFi, and I enjoy it a lot.

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