The Cumberland Post

The Cumberland Post
My Backyard, Six Miles from the Cumberland River

Thursday, March 25, 2010

New Hollywood Documentary Claims James Cameron Doesn't Exist

Fresh from the success of Avatar, Director James Cameron has once again been in the news.  First, The Hollywood Reporter says that director James Cameron "lashed out at Glenn Beck at a news conference Tuesday," saying "'Glenn Beck is a fucking asshole. I've met him. He called me the anti-Christ, and not about Avatar. He hadn't even seen Avatar yet. I don't know if he has seen it."

Beck responded to Cameron's slurs on his show. At one point Beck wears 3D glasses to mock Cameron.

The Hollywood Reporter goes on to explain that Cameron was "apparently referring to Beck's reaction to his 2007 documentary, The Lost Tomb of Jesus, which casts doubt on the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

The controversial Discovery channel documentary The Lost Tomb of Jesus (on which James Cameron served as executive producer) describes the discovery of an ancient tomb near old Jerusaleum as excavators were preparing the land for a housing construction project; the film argues that the divine Jesus did not exist--he was a man who had a wife and family and this is their tomb.

At the time the documentary was shown, Glenn Beck was working for CNN and introduced a piece on Cameron with the statement, ""Many people believe James Cameron officially has tossed his hat in the ring today and is officially running for anti-Christ."  One authority, Amos Kloner, professor of archaeology at Israel's Bar-Ilan University who wrote the original excavation report, said the documentary was "very unserious work...[this film] is all nonsense." 

Also involved with this documentary was Cameron friend Charles Pellegrino (he co authored the book on which The Lost Tomb was based). Pellegrino helped Cameron on Avatar and his new book Last Train from Hiroshima was going to be the basis for the Oscar winning director's next new movie until key witnesses in the book were shown to be fabricated.

And now comes this breaking news from Creative News Network, Faux Reports Division. A new soon to be released documentary, JC Is In Fact 3DCG, claims James Cameron does not exist.

Controversial documentary film-maker Michael Less is creating a sensation in Hollywood and New York with his latest film, “JC Is In Fact 3DCG,” which denies the existence of supposed Oscar winning director, 3D innovator, and Global Warming advocate James Cameron. “You look at all the research in my documentary and it’s as plain as the nose on your face,” says Less. “James Cameron is a gigantic 3DCG (3 dimensional computer generated) hoax, perpetrated on a scale never before thought possible. What we thought was a real man is in fact a 3 dimensional computer, generated avatar. No wonder Glenn Beck has trouble remembering what went on when he met Cameron in the CNN makeup room. It's pretty damn hard to remember a substanceless hologram.”

“We didn’t go into this hoping to find a hoax,” said Willard Ferret, the documentary’s producer. “Mike was just going to do a simple bio type thing. But then the PI we hired to do a background check came back with that bombshell about his high school yearbook picture and we had to look at everything from a different angle.”

“The high school principal Bartholomew Farquar was the key,” said Nick James, the PI. “I’ll never forget that day as long as I live. I showed Farquar the high school annual from 1972 expecting to get the usual standard stuff about Cameron being an all around popular boy who wrote for the school paper. Instead, Farquar pulled down his blinds, and took another 1972 annual out of his desk. ‘This is the real one,’ he said. ‘The one you have is a fake.’ I looked through it. There was no James Cameron. Anywhere. Not a single pic. No references. It blew my mind.”

“Willard stood by us from the very first,” said Less. “This film cost a lot of money and he never flinched. Over a thousand strands of DNA evidence were examined, literally thousands of pictures were scrutinized, and hundreds of scientists, and scholars who specialize in personal identity were interviewed. The results of all our investigations show–and we’ve replicated these time and time again–Cameron’s existence is one of the biggest frauds ever perpetrated on movie fans of the world. There is not now, nor has there ever been a real James Cameron who directed movies. The Terminator, Titantic, Avatar, someone else did those movies. Everything with his name on it is open to question. James Cameron does not exist.”

“As far as Cameron’s five wives and four children’ go,” said Ferret, “no one would let us talk to them. We think they’re phony too, or at least in on the hoax, we just can’t prove it. After all, they must get lots of money from the big production companies who run this whole illusion. We have do have second hand photos of all of his wives with other men during the time they were supposedly married to him, but they could be 3DCG too.”

Less said they did get one actual person to claim that Cameron exists. He's Charles Pelligrino, author of the widely disputed book The Last Train from Hiroshima. "We left his interview in the doc," says Less, "because we figured with his track record of fabrications and fictions, his claim that Cameron exists actually supported our claim to the contrary."

In his documentary Less even use Biblical evidence to support his conclusions about James Cameron. “It’s in the book of James,” says Less, “Chapter 2, verse 14. ‘What good is it ... if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?’ Clearly this is prophetic truth about James Cameron,” Less continues. “We all had faith in James Cameron before we made this film, a kind of religious faith even, but now that we’ve seen that there’s no real ‘deeds’ or verifiable action to validate his existence, our faith is shattered. All we have now is our belief in this film. We hope the public will accept that.”

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